Week 12-2014 15/3 back to reality

Back to Paris 3 weeks ago. new place .. still getting use to it .. managing to organize it slowly .
everything looks fine but I am not.
Looks like I cannot keep the same tempo any more.
Austin was great .. I did have much more than I bargained for .. it was out of ordinary life to an extra ordinary one.
In Paris it looks very boring .. why don't I have a wish to do life any more ?
Don't want go to work .. don't want go even to concerts. I want out ..

Still dealing with some paper work for the new place .. soon it will be over and life will return (a tempo). would that help ?
Mum is going for bad to worse .. nothing is helping .. looks like she gave up on herself . can I do anything to help .. would it be any different if I go there ? for me sure .. but for her ..

2 of my very good friends were diagnosed with cancer .. both younger than me . what is that ? both have kids .. I don't .. it should be me .. why them .

in the moment I cannot say what I'll do next ..
I thought it want last that long .. I"ll not be here for more than a year the longest .. here I am after 18 months. so much for retirement ..
I am so unhappy that nothing matter to me any more.. fuck all that shit ..