30/11/2014 (10 years after sister)

10 years ago I lost my sister .. actually I lost many things that day .. including any future joy of life. Every time I feel bad of being happy or having any good time.
Life was so unfair to her .. we were unfair to her .. everything is unfair to every female in the damn place named Syria .
what I am doing now ? living until there is no one I care about feels bad about my death .. that's my parents and very few others , maybe no one else ..
trying to get busy with life things .. learning , working , doing whatever to survive , just for the fact that I shouldn't die as long as my parents are alive .. when it comes down to the main reason .. I cannot find any other.
Let's see .. I am not what I use to be .. doing what I do is mainly because of others .. supporting family in the harshest time in the history of our place . I don't feel bad about them as much as I still feel bad for my sister. If I will be able to return to a safe place in the doomed land I am going to spend the rest of my time against the stupidity , traditions and authoritarian male regime of their type of life.
Clear that I am going to go openly against believe system that might kill me .. but does it matter when parents are gone ?
will see.