Week 14 2014 30-3 Exhausted

Cannot say what's this mixture of feelings.
Pissed off . tired .. have no wish to continue whatever I am doing or living now.
Father is back from hospital .. he is doing relatively well .
Mum is the same , that means deteriorating slowly . there is no more hope for her to stand .
My brother is carrying much more than he should .. his wife is determined to get back to Syria .
that's his greatest fear . she is not going to stand my mum . the danger is approaching closing in on our areas.

I am helpless .. cannot do anything to help .. cannot even help myself with  the ex-owner . who turned out  to be an extremely stupid, petty, and maybe she is going to steel my 2000E and never return the money to me .
I never had to deal with anybody who is on her level of  stupidity .. we will see .

lonely was never a problem for me .. I live good alone.
it is different now. I cannot stop thinking about what's going to happen next. cannot sleep enough. I feel so much the same way I felt during the time when my sister was sick.

I went to see gilles apap .. the natural born violinist . but he is really lazy .. sometimes I think he is right in what he does.. how to make music such an official thing .. it has been separated from religion long time ago.

in the concert I had nice conversation
that's how it went.
the old man is looking for place ..
I: Please sir take my place ..
He: no thanks. it is too close to the stage . the violinist is my friend and I don't want to sit where he can see me .. I play violin too.

I:  yes .. I know you play the violin Mr Gitlis ..