Sep. 11/2015 Dad is no more there.

One of the worst feelings I had in my life .
I knew he is about to die , yet it was very hard to hear it.
I should have been there with him for the last few years .. I did my best to make it.
We spent our lives away from one another . that's what life made us do. he did it that we could live and that he will not be dependent on us once he is older.
I did it for the same reason . I didn't want to be dependent on anybody .

Loosing my sister was enough to break all of us ..
He was (after her) the one reason that kept me going.

2011 I went back to spend his last few years with him .. 5 years ago.
I earned my life very fast .. didn't want much .. just enough to live ..
It was him , who mattered the most  . To me, making him proud and happy father was more important than making me happy person. let alone it was way easier

yet I was denied  the right to be with him . Did I ask for much ?
For a year we were father and son .. after 35 years of separation. One year..
it is not my fault that I had to leave .. it is not the fault of anybody .. yet I feel guilty . like hell I do.. it hurts.

with him gone. ..I don't think there is anything left for me .. . I lost everything.

It so empty ..everywhere ..
Death is the end of life .. it cannot be the end of memories .