Sep. 26 2015 Back from Syria

I don't know if there are words to describe Syrians  ?
They are worse than anything I've seen in my life . anywhere else .

I don't know if I can express what I feel in words .. the feeling of loosing it all . everything that made sense or gave meaning to life is replaced by everything that I feared and was disgusted by ..

People changed .. they are replaced by their inner monsters ..
Mum is helpless .. she is 100% dependent on people around her , who turned to monsters .
She is 10% alive .. can eat and smoke and breath . that's about it . everything else has to be done for her.
Can I imagine myself in her situation ? wishing death and not been granted the right or the possibilities to do it? . is there scarier thing in life ?
She want's to die. she has no hope of getting better . and she is very miserable ..

I am Sad, disgusted , scared and angry .. I cannot imagine worse times apart from the days when my sister was dying.

I lost it all .. there is nothing left for me to live for .. once mum is gone .. I will not have anything to connect me to life .

Would I change back to normal ? would I think that the rest of my life worth living ?
Once all your life plans collapse as house of cards. and you are sure you don't have enough time to rebuild anything again  . nothing can help